Updated: Nov 4, 2021
Hey Y'all...Happy Wednesday. Something funny came to me today as I looked through my email and I found it so ironic.
So let's go back to the Letting Go Blog where I mentioned this person that I entrusted with everything. They truly brought out the best in me. They were the only person that actually brought my guards down after a very hard relationship. They made me see how amazing I truly am, they brought out my vulnerability. Something that I didn't show to anyone out of fear of hurt and pain and disaapointment. The connection was amazing. No judgement, just two people being themselves, complete transparency. This person made me feel beautiful and unstoppable, just by their presence, texts, phone calls, jokes, laughs, music and movies.This relationship though had no future. But I didn't care. The friendship alone was something that I looked forward to on a daily basis. It was something that made me understand that there are people out there that are genuine or so I thought. My heart was broken by the one person I trusted with everything when one day, out of nowhere, they disappeared. Not even a goodbye, I am sorry I have to do this. We had made a promise to each other that if we ever needed to "NINJA" we would at least say goodbye, I feel cheated out of that goodbye. Anyways, I opened my email today to find a comment that is now deleted from that post. I know that this person is them because of what they said. What they said made sense to me because it was something that we talked about many, many times. However, me being my stubborn self, I didn't want to hear it or even think about it. I wanted out relationship, even if it wasn't going anywhere but friends. I was ok with that. It meant a lot to me.
So when I read the email today, I knew it was them and it made sense to me. At first I thought it was something I did even though I know that I didn't do anything. I thought that they disliked me and that they were angry at me. The truth is that they didn't feel any of those things. It was probably just as hard to walk away as it was to be let go. I know they truly care especially since that email was sent. They will always hold a dear place in my heart for all the amazing things they did and how amazing they made me feel. I truly hope that they find happiness even if it means that I am not a part of their life, even though I would really like to be but know that its up to them. At one point I was angry because I didn't get closure. But I know deep down inside that they will reach out to me and let me know what happened because that is who they are.
Moral of the story is that I need to always stop thinking the worst of things. I need to look at what others might be feeling and how difficult certain decisions and situations can possibly be. There is never just one person that is hurting, it's both parties. I am grateful for the woman they brought out that was hidden for so long and was afraid to even show an ounce of weakness or emotions. I am grateful for the push to finish anything I start. That I can do anything. That I am resilient and beautiful in their eyes. That they wanted me for me and nothing else but me. Not just my physical but my mind and my soul. They know that surrounded by noise, they are an instrument of joy. They created a song! I will always care and love them, not as nothing more than a beautiful melody created by the joy they brought to me and the joy I brought to them! I will forever keep our laughter and memories close to my heart. If they read this they will know that I am not angry, not even disappointed, just sad that we couldn't keep our friendship as we once said.
Remember my loves, Love yourself, Love yourself first, It's Up to you!!! ~~~Janet~~~