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Feeling Lost... What am I doing?

I don't know what really triggered me. I have been feeling a bit lost and confused about life these last few weeks. Loving myself really hasn't been on the top of my list. I went from feeling completely amazing to feeling unworthy of anything. There have been days where getting out of bed have been completely impossible. There have been nights to where I didn't make it to bed and just slept on the couch because I didn't have the strength to get into bed.

Imagine, I am a single mother, everything and anything lands on my shoulders. I sometimes feel like I'm drowning and forget to praise myself for the good job I'm doing. A great friend called me this morning after I posted on Facebook about not feeling like myself or being at 100%. 20+ years of friendship, months of not talking, and no matter our conversations are always as if we talk everyday. Well getting back to what I was going to say. She made a statement that resonated to me and made me feel better. That my independence is my biggest strength. As to me I look at it as a weakness. So I have to say that stayed with me all day. I thank her for that act of care and kindness today.

I sometimes forget that being an independent, single mom is not the worst thing. Its actually my biggest strength. I decide every aspect of my life without having to depend on anyone's approval but my own. I need to look more to the positive side of things and not dwell on the feeling of defeat. It really has been an eye opener for me.

Control- That seems to be something else I have a hard time dealing with. I always fear that giving up my control or asking for help is a sign of weakness. What I should be doing is telling myself that it's ok to not be ok and to reach out and ask for help. I am not giving up control, instead I am being human and asking for a hand. Yes I can do and handle things on my own, but sometimes I do need to reach out. If I don't ask, how are people to know that I need them? Duh, Janet. I tell you I can go on and on about not being in control.

I feel that this blog is not only going to help me love me more but also hopefully help you guys see that you are not alone in this. We struggle everyday with our own demons and feel like no one else can understand. Sometimes feeling ashamed because mentally we are not feeling as we should. TODAY, I feel better. I reached out in a way that felt foreign to me. I thought every possibility of how horrible it would end up. Instead, I was shown amounts of support, care and love. So don't feel ashamed to do something that is out of the norm for you. Just do it!

"Love yourself, Love yourself more. It's up to you!" - Janet

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