"Expectations"

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.”

― Alexander Pope

We go through life with the mindset of having expectations, especially from others. Why do we put ourselves through that torture? I mean seriously, we go through life because we have been conditioned that expectations are a necessity of life, especially when dealing with other people. I know that I had huge expectations. I had huge expectations from my marriage, from my family, from my co-workers, and from my friends. It was like a drug. I couldn't be without it. The more I expected, the more hurt I got. It's like a vicious cycle that continues unless you stop it yourself.

I honestly continue to find myself having expectations with the wrong people I suppose. There are those that are close to me that I expect to never stab me in the back. Then when I least expect, there goes the knife. What does this cause? This causes my over-overthinking to take over. It causes me to lose faith and trust in everyone. Even though I know not everyone is the same, that doubt lingers. It's like when glass breaks and you put it back together, you can still see the cracks, that is how it is for me.

Then I have that expectation of trusting someone, being honest, and being forward with me. This type of person will tell me to my face that everything is ok yet in their mind, they feel things are not ok. They then do that slow move of getting out of my life because it's easier to leave quietly than to really face the truth and express it. I would rather be hurt from the truth versus the slow, getting out of my life approach. Like seriously, I am a big girl, I can handle it. I've been through bigger fires and survived.

I once took a class that at one point taught me about not having expectations, expectations bring disappointments, especially from those that you love with your heart. I followed this for some time, suddenly I found myself having expectations from those that showed me that it was okay to bring my guard down, to be vulnerable. Well, that was the one expectation that hurt me the most. It brought me the biggest disappointment. However, I do believe that there is a comeback from that. People make decisions because they really don't know how to handle them. They figure that by making you feel that the expectations were too high, it's easier to just make that choice for you and it becomes a reality. I do believe that people can come back at some point or another and do things differently. I still, of course, keep my guards up, my heart couldn't take another disappointment from someone close to me or that I care about.

Lesson- going through life without expectations, means no disappointments, no heartache, no feeling of failure. There are people that unintentionally cause you pain with disappointment but in some sort of way, they find a way of making it up. I am not saying to expect, I expect the least out of people, so that way I don't get disappointed. It's a self guarding type of thing. I am not sure if this is the right way to do it, but it's the only way I know how to protect myself from being hurt and disappointed.

Needed to get this off my chest and mind as I am always over-thinking. Remember to love yourself first, it's up to you!~~~Janet~~~