Hey loves! So I decided that I needed to vent after something that happened to me today. So first thing is, I hope that you are all doing amazing and that you are loving yourself first! That is soooo important in our journey in this life.
With that being said, here is what I went through today. So we were having a conversation at work and they brought up the subject of my ex. Now this is a hard topic for me because I really don't talk about it as much. I tend to just want to forget about it and let it be so I don't feel anything. Something that I am learning through Shadow Work is that I have to first be honest with myself so that I am able to grow, move on and let it go. Anyways, the subject of me still having somewhat feelings for him came about. Now here is the thing, I will not, ever, ever, ever want to go back with my ex. That is why we are divorced. However, it was hard for me to admit that I still do care for him because lets be honest we were together for close to 20 years, since we were 18 and 17 years old. I didn't want to admit it for the fear of judgement because our relationship and divorce was not the best. It was somewhat toxic. After fours years of being separated and divorced I am happy to say that we are a lot better than we were before. Thank goodness I say. LOL
Anyhow, I had a meltdown because I was so upset that I would have to admit that yes I still care about him. In my mind, if I deny it, then I won't feel it and I would let the thoughts disappear. On the contrary, I am doing the opposite of what I should be doing. I should be feeling it, admitting the truth and then slowly letting go. I was FEARING judgement. Oh that word FEAR. That right there says a lot. You should never live in fear because that fear is what stops your growth. We need to use that fear as our strength so that we can move forward and fight those debilitating demons that try to bring us down. I was embarrassed today because I don't like showing my crying side. Not to many people that is. I am known to be a cry baby but only with my close friends and family. So showing the vulnerability was huge for me today.
What am I getting at? I am trying to express that it's ok to show some sort of human feelings and be ok to not be ok. That it's okay if we feel a certain way and allow someone who cares for you to hold you and hug you and say that it's going to be ok. Life can throw you a million curve balls, a thousand bad apples, but it's how we react that will make us or break us. So if you do fear, don't! Use that fear as fuel to make you achieve your greatest goals. Your greatest accomplishments. Don't let fear hold you back from overcoming anything that is in your path to greatness.
Suggestions to over come fear:
Create a journal. Write down all your fears, all your worries.
Meditate daily. This will help become one with your thoughts.
Write a letter to yourself, in that letter write what you are going to achieve and how fear is not going to stop you. Put it away and when you are ready, open it and read.
Find a hobby that will fulfill that empty feeling you may have.
These are things that have been working for me, they are just a few. Feel free to reach out to me and I will help you find what may fit for you best.
Love yourself, Love yourself first, It's up to you. ~~~Janet~~~